I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
