i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She bit a glass in half.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
