She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?