She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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