This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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