see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
