When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
