look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
