Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize