I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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