Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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