By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
