i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
