whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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