I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
