Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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