I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So much Jack, so little girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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