is your mom at the bar?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
