Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
