Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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