About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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