i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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