Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
