just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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