Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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