I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
