i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
And then my night got REAL pukey
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I want to fling myself into the sun
The Olympian is in my bed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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