Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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