the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
