matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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