I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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