i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
