im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
