he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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