Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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