the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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