Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize