Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
soo... how was my night?
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