If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
