yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
