So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
