In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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