the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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