I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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