names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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