got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
