my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
