If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
