i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
