I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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