I faked an abortion last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Bring me that man meat
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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