is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
