Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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