he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
