We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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