Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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