I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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