when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
