hotel room ftw
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
