On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
