I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
