I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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