I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
